I know it isn’t easy but I believe in you! Get out there and be present.
By Sam Judd
“Every cloud has its silver lining.” That is what I always try to tell myself at least. Most of the time it’s easy, I have friends and family who are incredibly supportive, I live independently, I have a degree. Sometimes though I want to just scream, turn off the lights and shut myself away from this inaccessible world.
However, most of the time I’m okay. It is normal to have these feelings, I am disabled after all. I have a lot to be cross about. You have to fight through it though. You have been dealt a rubbish hand, that sucks and I feel for you. What can you do to change it?
You mustn’t let them win. Don’t let them turn us into the monster! Stop thinking about what you can’t do and start thinking about what you can. I know it isn’t easy but I believe in you! Get out there and be present.
Let me introduce myself, I am Sam Judd and I’m a full-time wheelchair user, following a brain stem stroke which I had when I was four years old. As a result I have limited use of my limbs and I speak through an electronic communication aid called a Liberator which I access via an infer-red silver sticker on my glasses. Having your communications limited to technology does have its drawbacks though. Sometimes it seems like my Liberator is more disabled than I am. For a start, reflections make it go on the blink. Yes, reflections. I’m not joking. If I sit in front of a reflective surface or simply a window, I run the risk of the light being bounced back into the sensor which means the cursor doesn’t abide by any of my commands but some sort of otherworldly presence.
In social situations in the time it takes me to say “hello” the others in the group could write War and Peace. I am slightly exaggerating of course but you get my meaning. When I have finished constructing my response to the first topic of conversation, they are often onto the second or even third. Even for the fastest communication aid users, it is impossible to keep up with the average conversation speed simply because we have to build every sentence often letter by letter. If we had an idea of how the conversation would progress, our insights could be saved, look to the late and great Stephen Hawking for instance. However the beauty of human conversation is it’s unpredictable and goes where it pleases depending on a multitude of different factors. True, you can have an inkling but no one can see the innermost workings of a fellow human being and there’s something quite magical about that don’t you think?
For the most part whilst I admit my communication system isn’t perfect, it’s probably as good as it is going to get without physical speech. I have written this article on the Liberator after all. I am willing to be proved wrong but for now I shan’t complain too much.
Sam Judd has dedicated his life to disabled empowerment through creative expression. He is a published writer with articles in Little White Lies, and Sight and Sound magazines. He also has directed several short films and is currently writing a play which he hopes to stage in 2024. Sam additionally is an award winning stand up comedian even though he prefers the term “sit down” and co-runs a disabled led comedy night called “You Can Laugh, You Know.”